The Algorithm of Consciousness
Diminishing the Illusion
Codependency is not confined to enabling another person's addiction. Its most insidious manifestation is our codependency to our ego's story about who we are: an addiction that has trapped us in the illusion of separation for eons.
Breaking the energetic cords of attachment to an inner manager who presents a black and white agenda as being imperative for the survival of egoistic individuality does not happen because you think you understand why the ambiguity exists.
Mental analysis alone does not resolve behavioral fluctuations. Impulses of this nature are symptomatic of stronger hidden traumas orchestrating our behaviors. The solution is buried deep in our subconscious and carries a warning label; Opening this issue will cause pain: Requiring empathic professional support.
In my case, tearful episodes, spasms of fear, dread, or hopelessness compressing my gut stopped when I surrendered and allowed the toxicity to exit through emotional catharsis. I was then able to listen compassionately as the causes came to the surface. They were messages from my body alerting me that the pressure of keeping the murk trapped in quarantine was taking its toll.
At the age of three weeks, I was adopted and separated from my Mother. Unknown to me, the consequences of that trauma had flooded my emotional stability on many an occasion. Through the Jungian Shadow work process, I recovered the non-verbal distress simmering in my gut.
When the fear of abandonment, usually in relationships, overwhelmed my system, I turned into a passive-aggressive compliant needy person. I made many decisions through that prism of fear. I had no idea at the time a frightened inner child was running my adult life.
My passive-aggressive inner voice would issue dictates like, "Why am I always the one who has to phone or connect with this person? No more, I am doing that again. To hell with them!" Alternatively, Mister ever helpful would emerge to serve their needs. Ironically that aspect of my behavior had many pluses in career and relationship.
My story that the urge to be 'helpful,' stemmed from a higher perspective, was false. My subconscious narrative was abandonment: 'if I don't reach out, nobody will come to me’. At that moment, twenty-five years ago, I felt I had no sense of who I was or what I, as a unique, authentic being, wanted from life.
I do now.
All spiritual wisdom sources maintain that enlightenment comes through the surrender of our ego desires and quietening the turbulence of the mind. When we open to a Unity perspective, we can look back at our turbulence with compassion.
I was struck by how much the last two verses of a poem called 'Repetition' by Robert Pinsky, poet laureate of the United States 1997-2000, painted a perfect metaphor for my opening statement about codependence.
"The prophecy says you turn your back
on the ocean (the mind)
And lug your battered oar (ego) far inland,
You find a people who don't know what the quaint
Artifact might be, although they may
As a relic of that ancient murmur, the ocean-
Turbulent chorus of my dead, and all I want."